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Submitted on
October 7, 2008
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Once, there was a boy that was not like other boys.
He realized this early on.
His parents dressed him strangely.
His relatives treated him oddly.
The other boys put him on probation, but he couldn't run as fast. After that, they ignored him for a few grades.
(After that, they realized he had all the answers)
He didn't like running. It never seemed to work right.

He tried talking to the girls instead.
After all, they were the ones he was 'supposed' to be talking to anyway, who knew why.
It didn't go very well, to say the least.
They asked him if he was a "PIG", and he always got it wrong.
They giggled in corners about things of which he'd never heard.
At least the boys talked about real things, like rocks and soccer balls.
Girls talked about people he didn't know.
He didn't have many friends.

Soon he learned why he was supposed to talk to girls;
why they dressed him funny,
why he couldn't run as fast.
He was a 'girl'.
Look down, they said. You'll see. Boys look like this. You don't.
He saw that they were right, but now he was confused.
How was he a girl? He was a boy.
Nobody seemed to accept this point, though, and so he tried to forget about it.
They were adults. They must be right.

Later, he got the wrong end of The Talk.
(He got the right end from his dad, later)
He diligently filled in diagrams of the wrong set of organs.
He suspected one month that he was bleeding to death.
Having read about this somewhere, though, he didn't say anything.
The book was right.
He was stuck with it.
He told his mom, who tried to initiate him into the mysteries of which temperature of water gets stains out.
He still can't remember.

He avoided the bra as long as possible.
Then he realized that they made those crazy things less obvious, and never took it off again.
He wore a floppy denim jacket like a second skin for three years.

These days, the boy has seen some changes in his life.
He has a special vest that keeps himself a better shape.
He has clothes that make more sense.
His hair, once the pride and joy of everyone else, now sits neatly at his ears.
He no longer worries about having to kiss another boy.
Now he can look people in the eye.

But not everything is better.
As he writes this, he has to stop and curl up in his chair as another wave of cramps racks his body.
He has a chronic condition called 'menstruation' that he hopes desperately he will get a cure for next year.
It's something he was born with, you see, along with the wrong shape of hips and everything else.
He's afraid that he'll have to pretend to be a girl in order to get work, and he's angry that it might be so.
He's angry that people have to be sensitive in order to understand what ought to have been obvious.
He might as well be a ghost, whom only a few people can see and hear properly.
He wonders sometimes how many countries he's illegal in.

He writes this, hoping that it will be an educational message,
Fearing that it's simply an outpouring of self-pity,
Hating that he's been trained to think it might be,
Trained to be so insecure.
He hopes that perhaps someone will see it on the front page,
And click on it,
And read it all the way through,
And mention it to their friends,
Who will mention it to their friends,
And that maybe, the hour he spent writing will go some little way
Towards making some young boy or girl's life a bit easier.
If it just sits in his files, loaded with hopeful keywords,
Maybe it will send a message, maybe it won't.

It's all up to you.
Rather inspired by The Girl Who Wasn't a Girl. As this idea batted through my head, I had to fight to keep it from becoming "The Boy Who Wasn't a Boy."

My (hopefully unnecessary) apologies to my watchers, who have been unexpectedly inundated with this sort of thing for a while. If all you wish to see of my work is nature photos, delete all written work from your alerts. It's your choice.
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AkatsukiLoverXDX3 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2014  Professional General Artist
Goddamnit, this literally described me.
...But made me feel good as hell. Tv<
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012
I'm very glad that people are still finding this, four years after I wrote it - moreso that you're finding it meaningful. Thank you so much for all your comments.
rek77invader Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012
thank you for writing this. it's very touching and very true with what i'm experiencing at the moment. rock on :)
mega-man143 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
i read this, and it was moving.
dammit19 Featured By Owner May 13, 2011
that really got me...
Dragekatten Featured By Owner May 11, 2011
Other than the fact That I'm fta (a for androgynous) this pretty much how I felt. When i was in the earlier grades nearly all my friends was boys. Then they got into the 'girls are gross' period and I lost all my friends. They (and the girls) bullied me until I quited school (for about 2 mouths then I got into en other school)
PhaseAndDaze Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2010
I'm FtM, and this..this really got to me.
As a kid, I was always hanging out with the boys. I really could never figure out why all the girls did was giggle and point at the other boys.
In the first two years of middle school, I was the same way. I remember one day not wearing a bra to school because I hated the things, and I got made fun of. Went home and cried. I couldn't understand why I had to wear them.
In eighth grade, I came out as bisexual (though I now identify as lesbian), and I always wore this huge black jacket to hide my chest.
In ninth grade, I tried to fit in with the gender norms for about a month. It didn't work.
Now, in tenth grade, I'm able to express who I am and no one cares. I let it slip to my mom that I was a lesbian, and she accepted me. All my friends accept me for me, transgender or not.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is.. I don't understand women, though I'm attracted to them. I don't get the skimpy clothing and the slutting up..
I don't want to be transgender. I want to be male.
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2010
Congratulations on coming out early. ^^

I get the idea of not wanting to be in this permanent in-between transgender status. I wish it was possible to switch totally. Then again, I'm finding that I've got a unique perspective on both/all genders because of where I am, that I wouldn't have gotten from being born the way I want.

It means a lot to hear that someone else had such a similar experience. I went through a really brief phase of upgrading to a black leather jacket, from my old denim one, because I thought I'd look edgier or something... Just made me feel like someone would come along and beat me up for it. Ergh.

Good luck with everything. Don't let people get to you, either the intentional or unintentional failures to understand. Giving up to fit in is never worth it.
EmoHippieMushroom Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2010
wow, nice. :)
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2010
Thank you! I meant to say thank you ages ago, sorry!
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