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Boy</u>


Once, there was a boy that was not like other boys.
He realized this early on.
His parents dressed him strangely.
His relatives treated him oddly.
The other boys put him on probation, but he couldn't run as fast. After that, they ignored him for a few grades.
(After that, they realized he had all the answers)
He didn't like running. It never seemed to work right.

He tried talking to the girls instead.
After all, they were the ones he was 'supposed' to be talking to anyway, who knew why.
It didn't go very well, to say the least.
They asked him if he was a "PIG", and he always got it wrong.
They giggled in corners about things of which he'd never heard.
At least the boys talked about real things, like rocks and soccer balls.
Girls talked about people he didn't know.
He didn't have many friends.

Soon he learned why he was supposed to talk to girls;
why they dressed him funny,
why he couldn't run as fast.
He was a 'girl'.
Look down, they said. You'll see. Boys look like this. You don't.
He saw that they were right, but now he was confused.
How was he a girl? He was a boy.
Nobody seemed to accept this point, though, and so he tried to forget about it.
They were adults. They must be right.

Later, he got the wrong end of The Talk.
(He got the right end from his dad, later)
He diligently filled in diagrams of the wrong set of organs.
He suspected one month that he was bleeding to death.
Having read about this somewhere, though, he didn't say anything.
The book was right.
He was stuck with it.
He told his mom, who tried to initiate him into the mysteries of which temperature of water gets stains out.
He still can't remember.

He avoided the bra as long as possible.
Then he realized that they made those crazy things less obvious, and never took it off again.
He wore a floppy denim jacket like a second skin for three years.

These days, the boy has seen some changes in his life.
He has a special vest that keeps himself a better shape.
He has clothes that make more sense.
His hair, once the pride and joy of everyone else, now sits neatly at his ears.
He no longer worries about having to kiss another boy.
Now he can look people in the eye.

But not everything is better.
As he writes this, he has to stop and curl up in his chair as another wave of cramps racks his body.
He has a chronic condition called 'menstruation' that he hopes desperately he will get a cure for next year.
It's something he was born with, you see, along with the wrong shape of hips and everything else.
He's afraid that he'll have to pretend to be a girl in order to get work, and he's angry that it might be so.
He's angry that people have to be sensitive in order to understand what ought to have been obvious.
He might as well be a ghost, whom only a few people can see and hear properly.
He wonders sometimes how many countries he's illegal in.

He writes this, hoping that it will be an educational message,
Fearing that it's simply an outpouring of self-pity,
Hating that he's been trained to think it might be,
Trained to be so insecure.
He hopes that perhaps someone will see it on the front page,
And click on it,
And read it all the way through,
And mention it to their friends,
Who will mention it to their friends,
And that maybe, the hour he spent writing will go some little way
Towards making some young boy or girl's life a bit easier.
If it just sits in his files, loaded with hopeful keywords,
Maybe it will send a message, maybe it won't.

It's all up to you.
Rather inspired by The Girl Who Wasn't a Girl. As this idea batted through my head, I had to fight to keep it from becoming "The Boy Who Wasn't a Boy."

My (hopefully unnecessary) apologies to my watchers, who have been unexpectedly inundated with this sort of thing for a while. If all you wish to see of my work is nature photos, delete all written work from your alerts. It's your choice.
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:iconakatsukiloverxdx3:
AkatsukiLoverXDX3 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2014  Professional General Artist
Goddamnit, this literally described me.
It's...uncanny....
...But made me feel good as hell. Tv<
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:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012
I'm very glad that people are still finding this, four years after I wrote it - moreso that you're finding it meaningful. Thank you so much for all your comments.
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:iconrek77invader:
rek77invader Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012
thank you for writing this. it's very touching and very true with what i'm experiencing at the moment. rock on :)
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:iconmega-man143:
mega-man143 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012
yes.
i read this, and it was moving.
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:icondammit19:
dammit19 Featured By Owner May 13, 2011
that really got me...
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:icondragekatten:
Dragekatten Featured By Owner May 11, 2011
Other than the fact That I'm fta (a for androgynous) this pretty much how I felt. When i was in the earlier grades nearly all my friends was boys. Then they got into the 'girls are gross' period and I lost all my friends. They (and the girls) bullied me until I quited school (for about 2 mouths then I got into en other school)
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:iconphaseanddaze:
PhaseAndDaze Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2010
I'm FtM, and this..this really got to me.
As a kid, I was always hanging out with the boys. I really could never figure out why all the girls did was giggle and point at the other boys.
In the first two years of middle school, I was the same way. I remember one day not wearing a bra to school because I hated the things, and I got made fun of. Went home and cried. I couldn't understand why I had to wear them.
In eighth grade, I came out as bisexual (though I now identify as lesbian), and I always wore this huge black jacket to hide my chest.
In ninth grade, I tried to fit in with the gender norms for about a month. It didn't work.
Now, in tenth grade, I'm able to express who I am and no one cares. I let it slip to my mom that I was a lesbian, and she accepted me. All my friends accept me for me, transgender or not.
I guess what I'm trying to say here is.. I don't understand women, though I'm attracted to them. I don't get the skimpy clothing and the slutting up..
I don't want to be transgender. I want to be male.
Reply
:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2010
Congratulations on coming out early. ^^

I get the idea of not wanting to be in this permanent in-between transgender status. I wish it was possible to switch totally. Then again, I'm finding that I've got a unique perspective on both/all genders because of where I am, that I wouldn't have gotten from being born the way I want.

It means a lot to hear that someone else had such a similar experience. I went through a really brief phase of upgrading to a black leather jacket, from my old denim one, because I thought I'd look edgier or something... Just made me feel like someone would come along and beat me up for it. Ergh.

Good luck with everything. Don't let people get to you, either the intentional or unintentional failures to understand. Giving up to fit in is never worth it.
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:iconemohippiemushroom:
EmoHippieMushroom Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2010
wow, nice. :)
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:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2010
Thank you! I meant to say thank you ages ago, sorry!
Reply
:iconemohippiemushroom:
EmoHippieMushroom Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2010
And I meant to say no problem and you are very welcome AGES ago too xDD
so sorry!
Reply
:iconaestriel:
Aestriel Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2010
I was born a male, and raised a male.

As I child I never knew any different, and failed to question it. I failed to question many important things, but then there were bigger things going on in my life than me.

I was that boy who played with dolls and stuffed animals. I made them marry each other, and gave them children. Made them families.

It doesn't stop there. It wasn't until I was well into adulthood that I realized that my strongest desire is not possible, and probably never will be. It took me really accepting my desire to be a mother and exerience childbirth (crazy huh?) for me to realize why I'd felt so alone my entire life.

I've spent a couple of years now, just really looking into who I am. I don't think I'll ever become female, and I don't know that I want to. I couldn't make it real even if I did what is available to physically become. Furthermore... I find that... I am between genders, and it honestly suits me in a way, to be so dual natured.

I once participated in a 'womanless beauty pageant' in a relay for life fundraiser. I got to wear the makeup, and the clothes. I got to really BE for all purposes, a female. I loved it.

I loved this piece here... and almost cried at parts.

I think I now lean towards Gender Neutrality. If I want to wear makeup, I should... If I want to wear a dress I should. If I want to sew, I shoud. If I want to build a car, I should, if I want to wear jeans I should, If I want to grow a beard, I should. I also should love whoever I may love regardless of their gender.

Forgive me if I've gone on too long here. This is just a very powerful topic to me.
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:iconstoryofagirlgonebi:
StoryOfAGirlGoneBi Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
quoting this part
"I was born a male, and raised a male.

As I child I never knew any different, and failed to question it. I failed to question many important things, but then there were bigger things going on in my life than me.

I was that boy who played with dolls and stuffed animals. I made them marry each other, and gave them children. Made them families."

i, being biologically a girl, really get that though reversed in a way cause i still did some girly stuff. i think that is one reason that i am starting to doubt it even though i truly feel like i should be a guy. i have only come out to a few people and it's like i am waiting to get one of those times where it turns out 'it was a phase' though i have never been this certain of anything else in my life. worst part is i hate counslers so even if i want too transition i can't (and being only 17 soon) alas it might not be -.- .
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:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2010
Thank you for your comment. There is nothing to forgive.

Since writing this, I've learned a great deal about the 'gender spectrum'. I've found that I myself am no binary. I am biologically female, and mentally male, but emotionally rather metro. I like the term 'heteroflexible'.

These days I have friends who can best describe their gender identity as 'like you, but the gay version'. I fully and totally believe that all gender dropdowns should include 'other', 'none' and 'both', including on government forms.

As a creative writer, I was bored for a while with the basic first decision to make about a character: male or female? Now that I know that question doesn't even have to apply, I've gotten some creativity back. Trans, queer, two-spirited, intersex with any of the above - the list goes far beyond 'male' and 'female'. Every person has a collection of behaviours labeled as one or the other, and preferences are only one indication towards gender.

I like this idea of 'womanless beauty pageants'. Maybe I should pass the idea on, if I may...

Thank you for responding so strongly. Be yourself and love that person, always, even if other people react negatively.
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:iconaestriel:
Aestriel Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2010
Thank you.

Yes, One of my most influential characters was a male with 2 souls, one male and one female. based upon me lol

Of course you can pass on that womanless beauty pageant, It isnt like I thought it up lol... it was just offered to me, so I took part after I thought about it.
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:iconmihko:
Mihko Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
this reminds me of my young self. when i had my neighbors (both boys) over, my brother, my neighbors and i all played in the basement. i didn't understand why it wasn't okay for me to take my shirt off and run around in only my jeans. i didn't understand why my mom insisted we paint my room pink, or why she bought me a disney princess alarm clock. i didn't understand why i had to wear icky skirts and dresses instead of a sports coat and slacks like my brother. but then i tucked myself away and became a girl like everyone was pressuring me to be. this ended up making me emotionally confused. i've tried so many girl styles, and none of them were me. finally, i GET IT.
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:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2010
It's releasing to figure it out, it really is. Thank you for favouriting!
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:iconmihko:
Mihko Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
sure!
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:icongraywolftsume:
GrayWolfTsume Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2009
strange how most of us have similar upbringings, similar questions as to why we're treated differently from all the other little boys

nicely worded man
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:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2009
Many thanks.
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:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2009
Precisely why I wrote it. Thank you, for commenting! We're all in it together, in a sense.
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:iconrowan-kun:
Rowan-kun Featured By Owner May 5, 2009
Beautifully written. It's comforting to find others out there going through the same thing I am. Thank you so much for posting this. :)
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:iconconfused412:
confused412 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2009
...I'm at a loss for words...
I come from the other end of the spectrum...this is actually the first time I've heard it from an ftm point of view...*hugs*
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:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2009
It seems that either there are fewer ftm's than mtf's, or else we're quieter about it. That's part of why I'm trying to make some noise. It's great to get a little feedback from the other end of the chart. -returns hug-
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:iconconfused412:
confused412 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2009
That's always good. I can't write well enough to do something like that...at least, not usually. I've written a few okay poems.
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:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2009
Well, you can always give it a shot, right? Maybe you'll surprise yourself. There have been times I've nearly taken this down out of artist's embarrassment, but I know it's likely the best rendition of it I can make, and so I've left it alone.
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:iconconfused412:
confused412 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2009
Yeah, I know what you mean. I've written 2 poems that people said were really good, but I can only write when I feel a really strong emotion, like depression or anxiety or fear.
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:iconalantabby:
AlanTabby Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2008  Hobbyist
Wow, that was amazing.
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:iconspiralinggrey:
spiralinggrey Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2008
awesome, awesome, awesome.
poignant, perfect.
i wish i had a more substantive comment.
:+fav:
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:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2008
It's the first time anyone has ever described anything of mine as ';poignant'... and the first time I've heard 'substantive' used in a proper sentence in about a year. Purely for making my day with that, thank you. As well, thank you for the favorite. ^^
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:iconhollyhockdanu:
HollyhockDanu Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2008
Lol yes, you did do better writing about it from the boy's perspective. What you wrote about is how I've heard the experience of being transgender described. I only wrote from my observations of the relative, but have no idea what (s)he feels. There was a point to that, it just wouldn't have felt right if I wrote down my ideas about what (s)he is experiencing without really knowing.

Anyway, good job. This almost made me cry and deserves a :+fav:
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:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2008
-chuckles- Well, no one can expect you to write from a perspective not your own. You did a really, really good job with what you wrote. Besides, without your piece, I never would have thought to write this one. They rather go together, I think - sort of as an outside/inside perspective group. ^^ If you don't mind me saying.

Thank you. And once again, I wish him well. And you too. ^^
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:iconfoxgod:
foxgod Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2008
Hah, I think you 'one-uped' the inspiration poem. That one is seems more ... female stereotypes and not matching them instead of /being/ a guy.

ah, your piece matched my own self pity streak of the past... few years. But lucky; you knew as a kid. I was more oblivious (or rather I suspect... I had very good reason to be a /girl/ [crazy mum with a beef with males], but of course failed for the most part. A guy playing with barbies is still a guy playing with barbies, nay. Poor barbies.) And now I've become a ghost, and worst of all, still a female appearing ghost who basically every odd minute with a cycle of doubt/certianity/wish. Don't ever become a ghost; it's gets old fast.

Oh yes, and ya think jobs is bad? Apartment search. My mum actually thinks I want to live with a bunch of girls... Because I so enjoyed freshmen year living in a girl's dorm. totally.. But living with a bunch of regular guys? meh.

Ah yes menustrations. -.-;; All the damn stuff to lesson's the regularity have fcking /estrogen/ in them, to my current knowledge. Haha, perfect, nay? ._.
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:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2008
I've been trying to piece together my mental state back then. I figured I had to be a girl since that's what I'd been told, so I actually went over-feminine, dressing up and being princesses for Halloween and such. I think I was trying to prove it to myself. Obviously, didn't work.

Ouch on the mom thing... I thought those moms only happened in comic strips. >>

I dunno about you, but my barbies suffered indignities. Giving a grade-school-aged boy a doll like that is begging for trouble. At least their limbs stayed on... -snort-

I'm aiming for the non-ghost lifestyle; I've got a job now (shows how long I took to reply, ne? >< Sorry), and I'm actually out to my supervisor and soon-to-be to my co-workers. Should be fun.

Never, ever moving in with people I'm not close friends with. End of story. Too many bad anecdotes.

I was nearly persuaded/browbeaten/etc. into a low dose of Pill for regulatory purposes. Thankfully, the doctor tried telling me the side benefits, like losing the random chin hairs I have. I was outta that office like he'd threatened to shoot me... which, in a way, he did.

Good luck, man. Find people you can tell...
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:iconfoxgod:
foxgod Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2008
Hm, my barbies were sorta an imaginary harem, though not too badly cause I knew so little about sexual stuff at that age ('sheltered';).

Jobs are good. Unfortunally I'm not even out enough to ask them not to use my first name (used it to look more professional on resumes and people just started using it), even though I suspect they wouldn't mind. It's this small (4 people inc me) web development consulting company who's focus is on non-profit and earth friendly work. Aka nerds and eco obsessed.

Hah, amusing about the pill. Doctors... doctors are very good at getting people to get random shots, or at least the one I went to last year did.

I did find an apartment, and sent a 'coming out,' but with wording that mentions i'm a coward and still living as female like email to one of my new roommates. And she was like 'cool,' but she... still treats me like female. Ie, she knows I prefer fox, but calls me my first name, etc. . 2 days ago she suggested I take up knitting in a random conversation u.u;;; (Not that there's anything wrong with knitting... but uh. O.o). Meh. I'm thinking of just getting a binder online and silently forcing the issue? shrug.

Goodluck on your job
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:iconbaby-snakes:
baby-snakes Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2008  Professional General Artist
very interesting. it made me think a lot. I wish I had read the original book you mentioned so I would get more of the references. :} :hug:
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:iconamayabloodmoon:
AmayaBloodmoon Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2008
Actually, the original is this: [link]

Thank you, all three of you.
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:iconbaby-snakes:
baby-snakes Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2008  Professional General Artist
read it! :)
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:iconallokai:
Allokai Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2008
I really like your writing style in this. It's easy to follow and it has a nice flow. I got sucked in right away. XD
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:iconveritus-infidus:
Veritus-Infidus Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2008
I loved this, friend. It was beautiful throughout. And very well written. Nice work.
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